The Great Indian Soaps

This time I would like to address the issue of yellow journalism and the various TV shows which are apt for audiences of pre-independent India.

Firstly, INDIA TV: the King of False Exaggerations. And it is one of the favourite channels among the senior citizens who are most vulnerable to deceit. Some of the recent BREAKING NEWS on this channel were:

1. “Dharti par padegi kaali chaya……Andhkar mein hogi duniya……aap par bhi hoga asar…” these headlines were flashed throughout the week before the last full solar eclipse of the century on 22nd July. So many hue and cries for a solar eclipse.

2. And recently,”Amarnath mein ho raha hai ghor paap….” later I found out that “ghor paap” was that the security personnel there were wearing shoes made of leather.

3. They even claimed to solve the murder case of Arushi Talwar just by looking at a photograph. This even enticed me but when they couldn’t decipher anything for 30 minutes, I finally changed the channel.

This list is eternal but the point is what is the Television & Broadcasting Ministry doing to check such spread of slander? One of friend’s grandmother was shocked at the news of the world coming to an end in 2012 after watching INDIA TV. She even called up half a dozen people and told them to make final plans of what needed to be done before the holocaust.

I also take this opportunity to congratulate COLORS channel for putting an end to the K- series of programs but they created another problem. It seems to be their righteous responsibility to deal with all the social evils prevailing in our society today. Don’t get me wrong, I am not condemning their efforts but I really have my apprehensions about the message they are sending. According to a recent survey, many 12 yr old girls would love to become Anandi since she wears so much jewellery and lives in a grand mansion. While many 14 yr old boys would like to have wife like Anandi since she does all the homework and takes such good care of her husband. So much for child marriage!!

Another common trend is the use of 8-12 yr olds for dancing, singing, comedy and other talent hunt shows. This is appalling and I fail to understand how people promote them. Not more than 1% of these kids will make it into the film industry, another 5% in allied fields but the rest will perish and that too at the cost of their academic career.

If I had to reprimand shows I can fill pages writing about the vices of each one. But let me give you some idea of shows on channels like FOX, ABC and other channels in the US.

They have serials like NUMB3RS, CSI:MIAMI, HOUSE m.d., LOST, PRISON BREAK…..and the list goes on, which are a perfect example of innovation and novel ideas. In fact I have to regularly visit forums to understand what is actually happening in LOST. These shows are so engrossing that you will be instantly mesmerized like a septuagenarian on coke!!

People might argue that developed countries don’t have social evils and hence they don’t need to show them in TV shows. But that’s not true, US has so many schools shootings, drugs & alcohol addictions, decline in family etc. And they are addressed in soaps but they are seldom the basic theme.

All I want Indian soaps to be is a little considerate towards the developing society and cater to the wide range (age, ethnicity etc) of viewers.

Basanti's Bike

This one is a really amusing anecdote and don't blame me if you break into fits of hysterical laughter. Its a long one so take your time and enjoy.

Let me first introduce you to characters this story:

1. Manvendra Saxena a.k.a Sid - my langotia yaar and roommate
   
2. Anurag Chowdhay a.k.a Basanti - my classmate and a really helpful guy.
3. Ashank Gupta - Me
   

It started as a humble request by Sid. Since Anurag was a local and the only one in my branch to possess a bike in first year, Sid asked me to ask Anurag for his bike since he was my classmate. At first I refused but on persistent requests I gave in. Sid was going home and he needed to reach the station ASAP to get a 50% rebate, a privilege of those studying in Govt. colleges. The ticket agent was at the station and was requesting Sid's presence so that the ticket could be booked.

After lots of requests and immportuning, I finally got his bike's keys (Basanti's Bike). Sid asked me to accompany him to the station but I declined citing my busy schedule (which included sleeping mostly). So Sid left at about 11 in the morning and was back in a couple of hours, everything sorted out and he saved about Rs100 on the ticket. Both of us then got busy (read slept for umpteen hours). I would like to mention here that Sleeping is the one of the most common physical activity at ITBHU; Kumbhkaran must have been our alumni.

Everything sounds just fine till now but this was calm before the storm, the gestation period. Early in the evening Anurag came to my room and said, "Abey meri Bike kahan hai?". He sounded more frantic than a chicken just about to be halaled.

" Wahi bahar khadi hai", came my reply.

"Kahan hai dikhao", he asserted.

I looked at Sid but was assured by hi confident look and all of us went into the patio.
Sid pointed out, "Woh toh hai wahan, kya dikkat hai?"

"Par woh meri bike nahi hai!!!!"

Both of us were dumbstruck for a moment like toddlers at a birthday bash unable to comprehend what Anurag just said.
" Yeh Hero Honda Splendour to hai, par yeh meri wali nahi hai", he added.

A small detour here to explain about the ubiquitous Splendour bike. The older model of these bikes have a special feature that most Splendour owners know. Apparently the bikes made around 1998 to 2004 had locks that could be opened by a master key. And this master key was issued to every proud owner of a Hero Honda Splendour. I guess the designers were really obsessed with interchangeability at that time. Just like the semen from a bull can be used to impregnate 20 cows, a single key can be used on half a dozen splendours!!

We inspected the new splendour as if probing an alien species. It perfectly resembled Anurag's bike only it had a different number plate. I remember Sid suggesting that Anurag keep this one since it was way better than his own, whose whereabouts were still unknown. I cannot recollect Anurag's reaction but it was definitely not a friendly gesture. Sid and I got on the bike and assured Anurag his bike will be here before sunset ( and I would have kept the promise if I had used sunrise instead).

We started our trip to the station not knowing it was about to be an odyssey. Sid was driving while I contacted the ticket agent. He was at the station and was being bogged down by the owners of the bike we were driving. They had lodged a police complaint and we were driving a stolen bike. I pacified him and said we would be there within the hour with the bike (another misjudgment).

Suddenly these was a violent jolt and Sid using all his maneuvering skills barely managed to keep us off the ground. I turned back and saw that a kid on a bicycle and rammed into us but he too was unhurt so we moved on.
After about 15 min Sid asked," Oye iski chaabi kahan hai?".
My heart was now getting used to such shocks."Lagi hogi usi mein", I said hoping against hope.

The bike was stopped and both of us searched for the key to no avail. "Jahan usse bhide they wahin gir gayi hogi, wapas chalo wahan dhundhte hain", I suggested. We got back to the accident site and made a frenzied search, both of us knowing it would be easier to find God than a splendour key on the densly populated streets of Varanasi, that too after sunset!!

Finally, we agreed to forget about the key and solve the problem at hand. Meanwhile, I was continuosly harressed by the agent's calls since he was being harressed by the crowd that had gathered at the crime scene. On reaching the station, we were greeted by an agitated mob all geared up to provide justice to the culprits. People in India are really epathetic towards other's sorrow, if they cared as much about their work, India would have beeen a permanent member of UN Security Council ages ago.

After appeasing the crowd and the owner of the majestic Hero Honda Splendour by 2 litres petrol, a box of sweets and Rs400 in cash, we finally got to Anurag's bike parked in a corner, unaware of all the pandemonium it had just caused. It was found that the Agent had parked the bike in the stand since he could manage to save Rs5 and had procured the wrong bike on his way out costing Sid Rs500 in damages. Still he insisted that if not for him, we would all be in jail.

We had nearly decided to get even with the agent by beating him black and blue but decided against it when reality hit us. There was a locked bike in front of us, we didnt have any keys and it was 9 in the night.
I called Anurag and asked him where the spare keys were, "Woh toh ghar pe hai, mummy ke paas", came the reply.
"Accha yeh batao ghar kahan hai??".
"Sigra mein......blah blah blah.........".
Fine I said to Sid lets get going and we got on a rickshaw to Sigra, 3 km from station. We were greeted by a gentle lady eager to help us.

"Aunty hum Anurag ke friends hai, usne bike ki chabi khoa di hai.....hum uski help karne aaye hai. Apke paas spare key hai?", said Sid trying to be suspiciously friendly.

"ek min beta, abhi deti hoon", and she dissappered in to the house.

After 2 min she emerged with something dangling in her hand. Its impossible to gauge our joy at this time but it was something like those gays on TV when the news of Article 377 being rescinded broke out.

Finally we reached back to the hostel at 11 in the night. Anurag was definitely offended but was sympathetic towards our ordeal.

And it all started to save Rs100 on a ticket home!!